Do You Have The Guts? Normalizing.
Welcome to Episode 7! What are you normalizing in life without noticing it? I find myself normalizing good and less than behaviours lately. Some good habits feel so normal that I miss them when they fall away from my routine.
Like drinking way too much coffee. I have really normalized that over the last few weeks. I traveled and had more coffee than usual, and I haven’t pulled back yet to what was the norm before I left.
In recent and long ago past I’ve normalized a few glasses of wine to get out of a mood.
Over a lifetime I normalized a destructive response to stress as a daily habit and coping mechanism.
In 2012 I normalized whole food eating in my life.
In 2013 I normalized drinking much much less in my life.
In 2016 I normalized no dairy in our home.
In 2020 I normalized meditation in my life.
In 2020 I normalized weight lifting in my life.
Habits can go both ways - they either serve you well nor not so well. Either way they serve you. The more normal and accepted they feel, however, the more we do them in our every day routines.
What are you normalizing without knowing it? What are you normalizing on purpose? That’s a more exciting question. If we can tune into these little strategies a little more each day, we can lead such different lives. Lives full of memories, joy, community and purpose. All it takes is tuning in to your life.
Normalizing
Normalizing happens for me during the holidays, during travel close and far, and really any sort of change in my daily schedule. I hit a road bump and I’m ready to cave.
Sometimes I can really go crazy with eating or work life. Just taking things to an excess. I’ve learned to observe and question my crazy patterns, and that has been an evolution in thinking. I’d notice I wasn’t doing something anymore or I’m making the same choice I’d prefer I didn’t make…again…like it is normal for me to make this choice when it is NOT.
How to make better choices
I have to learn to prepare for these bumps. I now know what it feels like not to have my bearings…I’ve got to just take that with me as I plug along. Some days feel off. I’ll be feeling lost and loopy, possibly making old choices, but I know who I am, what I want and I’ll notice I’m veering off course and I get back on! This happens a lot - every week - on Wednesdays because my schedule is changed around during the day and I’ve usually stayed up late Tuesday evening. Shattered Table Top Games.
And on Wednesday I am generally in a state of permanent tired all day long until late that night usually…and I will eat anything and everything in sight because I am so physically tired. I’ve figured out that I was normalizing horrible eating habits every week on this day and worked backwards to figure out why.
This is what on earth i mean by normalizing…you don’t even know it’s happening.
Here are a few examples that haunt me when it comes to normalizing.
Holiday expectations for example. I work these days not to change my expectations of myself concerning food around the holidays. May I just share that I am more relaxed right now but I a not throwing caution to the wind.
I don’t go bananas for 4-8 weeks of holiday cheer and desserts. Have you ever thought of that? It’s not two holidays, it’s 2 months of building up to each event. It’s 3 months if you count Halloween.
Holiday foods are not everyday, but that is my choice. I can choose to indulge in them anytime. Whatever you believe, or want to believe around holiday food consumption, plant your thoughts. Plant the thoughts you WANT to have.
Don’t fall prey to the environment and what everyone else is doing. That’s half the battle in the holiday gain each year. We don’t realize the hypnosis to eat differently begins in October with the Halloween candy.
Notice when you are lowering your standards.
What do we normalize? Do you have standards?
I lower my standards at times, but having them has made me so much more aware. How long have I been doing that with coffee? Knowing I’ve been drinking double coffee intake (or whatever the habit) for 2 weeks is helpful…
I have standards around food I choose, ingredients in my food - there are some I will not eat.
The level of cleanliness of the kitchen. My standard varies there depending on my commitments of the day.
I have standards for how I leave my desk, how my day begins and ends…When my standards are met, I feel and operate so much better.
When I lower my standards, output isn’t as optimal. Sound familiar? Lowering standards leads to normalizing less than choices or habits. Sort of like the bad day becoming a bad week of choices…All of that said, when do we normalize? When does this sneaky soul stealer sneak in?
I’ve found I normalize all kinds of behavior around my response to stress. A little extra drinking, being less intentional with my eating & exercising, certain foods, or tv watching when there is so much around me to get done. I’m ok with lax behavior because of this stress I feel. To describe the feeling is difficult.
For a while I couldn't figure out why I continuously tried to solve my mood problem with a glass of wine when I knew I didn’t want that. Literally - I didn’t want to drink to feel better. And why am I moody? Well, I’m Heather…I’m 47, and I’m human.
It has taken months of observing this pattern - feeling the stress, craving the cocktail, saying no to the drink and wrestling through the feeling to see that drinking wine is simply a response I’ve had to stress for over 25 years and it is difficult NOT to want a drink when stress hits and settles right into my body.
I’ve normalized and justified this few glasses of wine response all year long because of situations I’ve been dealing with in my personal life. Scary stuff like Dad having heart surgery, and health scares close to home and the feeling of this deep emotional, anxious stress was different. It seemed bigger and deeper. I actually had not felt this level of emotional stuff in years and I realized that when I had felt it in the past, I always pushed it away.
When Dad’s heart surgery rolled around, I created new normals. About one week before my dealing with stress system crumbled. So much change, so much unknown, my sleep was sucking which led to normalizing working out less or later…it just felt like the exercise wasn’t hacking it. And i didn’t want to feel this.
Until about April, I stayed strong in my new response to stress and focused on physical activity, clean eating, max hydration and all of the supportive daily systems I’d ‘normalized’. And like I said as the storm of travel, surgery, time away and change came together.
Not tracking food has become more normal than tracking. Drinking has become more normal than not drinking. Not meditating has become more normal than meditating. Visualizing/daily rehearsal has become less normal on a day to day basis. Many good things have come as well, but old patterns need to go and I see what I have normalized over the last few months and how I’m in this new space seeking change.
I actually had a chat with myself recently…lol…and I have been fully accepting myself lately. In all of my allness. That act really allowed me to see the patterned response. Letting go of the shame and the should of the situation and just saying - it’s ok to be exactly where you are right now. If you want to know why, let’s ask why.
And thinking through this podcast about what behaviors and habits I’ve been normalizing has also been cathartic and so helpful. Staying in curiosity of my patterns and not in judgment is one of the kindest things I do for myself.
Took me almost a year to realize this about the drinking. It’s just my body’s response to how stress feels. How any and all stress feels - my body’s response is the same. It’s such a relief to know that there is nothing wrong with me and I’m not insane for craving something I 100% do not want. That makes you feel like a crazy person.
Here’s the thing, I have trained my body to desire and feel relief from a few glasses of wine for YEARS! Why would all that programming disappear overnight?
Curiosity!!
I didn’t want a drink consciously, but my body’s response was different than my conscious thought. I know that now. I’m ok with my body’s response and I am ok with the feeling it comes with.
Hmmm…so how else do I or can I respond to stress. How do I just sit with this stress? How do I normalize a new response? That is the question…right there. Another episode!
A few insights about a new response that I’d like…
The response has to be easy - so I will do it.
It has to serve a purpose.
It doesn’t have to help alleviate the feeling.
The feeling will go when the thought lessens. Meditation, breathwork, 30 second visioning, daily rehearsal, monday hour 1, celebrating wins, practicing new beliefs, and more tools are in my arsenal. I just need to get to work in responding differently now that I’m aware. I just have to normalize a new response to stress. HA. Easier said than done.
The thing about normalizing is what it leads to. Have you heard about this topic of microquitting? The idea that quitting comes in small, unnoticed steps and we wake up to the reality that we quit months ago.
There is no announcement or declaration of quitting healthy habits that serve and nourish you.
No, we quit in quiet small steps after normalizing something that was an occasional or a rare indulgence into a daily bad choice. Small steps that we don’t realize we are making if we aren’t in an active food journaling practice, or self coaching/journaling practice.
If we don’t pay attention to the regular steps we are taking every day, day in and day out, we can give up or quit in such small steps we barely notice until the evidence arrives.
The pants are tight, the bulge is talking to you, the sleep is crappy, the energy is so low, the mood is fraught, the hope is dwindling…We look up and realize a month has passed! A year has passed!
We never actually quit on that goal, but we lowered our standards so far and got so ok with the new normal of that daily routine, we realize in hindsight the work we were not doing. The behavior we were normalizing.
Agh. So depressing! All this comes from a lack of awareness! All we need to level up, change and grow in life is awareness and desire.
What if we flipped that script though and you began normalizing helpful, useful habits. What if certain decisions like no dessert, getting to the gym, and having snacks on hand for your crazy routine. What if you got good at almost every bite at the end of your fork supporting your the lifestyle and body you want. What a great way to keep from quitting- the things you normalize support who you want to become - they don’t take you back to the past.
3 Tiny Steps to try…or 4
If you have no standards, set some.
Ask yourself when am i willing to eat differently, spend my time differently or? How are you changing your standards?
What is a great habit you can infuse into your everyday life
Stop judging yourself. Ask questions like why do I always want to do this? Why is this so hard to change? Why??
Start by Starting
Start by starting. Decide. Take action.
Do you have the guts to tune in to your life and what behaviors you are normalizing in your every day? I have been normalizing drinking too much, watching way, way too much tv, eating until I was too full, and too much coffee which really cuts into my water consumption. And I knew this, but I didn’t shine a light on it and really observe what these habits are putting into my life until the last few weeks.
If you need help with a sugar addiction, I’ve got you covered with a gut health system that will allow you to rule your cravings. My problem hasn’t been my microbiome this past year - thank goodness! I can’t imagine the shape I’d be in…
