Emotional Fitness - Do You Have The Guts? Ep. 14

Today we are chatting about emotional fitness.  We’ve talked about shifting nutrition and exercise and mindset, and today we are talking about emotions.  Do you have the guts to get emotionally fit?  Honestly, I think this pillar of transformation has to come first. I didn’t begin with it in this series because it seems a little different and outside of the box if you’re looking to lose weight or change your nutrition. We often think  those changes we are seeking are factual and understandable  - gotta count calories or get in more reps…more runs…Yes and no.  I say that because if you are not emotionally fit, it makes starting and getting consistent almost impossible.

You are going to understand emotional fitness even better - we’ve really been talking over it for a while… and how Emotional Fitness is the foundation for any journey you take or endeavor you jump into-personally or professionally. 

Emotional Fitness vs Emotional Intelligence

Emotional fitness is similar to emotional intelligence.   Or EQ. Let’s cover the difference in emotional intelligence and emotional fitness - because there is a difference.

Emotional intelligence boasts several characteristics.  

1 Self Awareness - which is about recognizing and understanding your emotions - what you are feeling and why AND understanding how they affect others around you.

2 Self regulation (or self discipline), or self management, parenting yourself…

When researching this I found an article that noted motivation as a characteristic of EQ, but I am not sure I agree with that. 

3 Motivation (which is really a lie, but when you are emotionally intelligent, you have created an ability to churn up motivation or work in spite of not having it.  That’s where consistency comes in…The self regulation to remain consistent saves the day when motivation is lacking.

4 Empathy - understanding what others are feeling.

5 Social Skill/Social awareness - understanding how your actions affect others

6 Present Focused - they are living in the present moment more than regret of the past or worry of the future.

7 Well placed boundaries

Emotional fitness is similar to emotional intelligence, but it’s more than knowing the information.  

Think about ALL of the things we know and yet we do not practice them.  We know all about healthy nutrition, exercise, mind management but MOST of the population is walking around blindly never incorporating all of these USEFUL things we know into our life experience.  Instead we put it off, or we take an easier route, or we never get aware and we stay stuck in the miserable maybe of life - alongside most of our peers who are stuck there too…which is why it is acceptable to feel miserable I think

Why don’t we put our knowing into every day life practice. 

What is preventing us?  Do we truly not believe we can lose the weight, or get moving, or achieve that audacious goal?

What’s behind the procrastination to jump in or jump on board with a practice of any kind that’s going to change our lives?  

OR with regards to business - I’ve met so many incredible women who have built 6 figure businesses with Plexus who have created emotional fitness for themselves - it's their secret sauce!  And there is a BIG  handful of achievers in our company.  MOST of these women had no idea what they were doing when they started.  

Now so many people I meet on a regular basis that believe they don’t have time or capacity to run a business, or simply help others figure out how to order because they are really and truly unfit emotionally.  

Remember, most of those 6 figure earners had no more time or experience than the average product user in the beginning.  The difference is in their emotional fitness - their ability to bounce back from negative thoughts, the inner critic, or even bounce back from a criticism or conversation with another person. The difference is also in their desire - their want for something…even though they had no idea how to run a business, they gave themselves permission to dream and eventually their desire outweighed their fear. If they were not emotionally fit when they started, they became emotionally fit to keep going when the going was tough.  

We THINK we KNOW concepts and truths, but until we practice and live through them, we really do not.  Our ability to bounce back from tough times, invasive negative thinking, and weather the ups and downs of life is emotional fitness.  If fit, you’re ready to move, jump or change your thinking in the moment. 

Concepts to Consider for Emotional Fitness

The 50/50 concept.  Have I talked about this before on the podcast? Happy all of the time is a myth.  Bam.  Whew.  Does that make you feel better - possibly more normal? This 50/50 concept acknowledges that there will be trouble, Strife and more as well as joy and happiness.  Life is always offering contrast - and without the dark, how can we really appreciate the light?

Acknowledging this allows us to simply live through our strife, trouble, or pain and know that times will change. It gives us permission to feel what we feel.  I think we can skew the % in our favor if we’re good at managing our minds, and if we are emotionally fit …and I hope that is encouraging.  I’m close to 75-80% happy these days.  There have been times when I was 75-80% in pain, trouble or something else though. That’s for sure. 

Knowing we do not have to negate or hide or numb  the bad feelings is essential to emotional fitness.  We can live through them, we can feel all the feels whether they are good or bad.  And doing this - feeling your real feelings creates strength (fitness) in our hearts and minds. 

Once we’ve made it through we know we can handle uncomfortable feelings.  That instills confidence and courage.  It’s parenting yourself at its best.  I WISH I’d known that feeling bad, depressed, sad, broken, overwhelmed and angry were ok.  I wish I’d known to sit with them, feel them and not push them away or numb from them.  I’d have spent way less time in the low energy emotions if I’d allowed them to be and understood I could live through them. 

Instead, it took 15+ years to understand what life was teaching me in my teens and 20’s. Suffice to say, I was not emotionally fit!  So feel the feels. Journal about them.  Write them out and rip them up to release them! Look up body scanning - it is fascinating.  Body scanning allows you to get really curious about where the feeling is in your body, what it physically feels like and breathing into that part of your body to release…so many things I wish I’d known! 

Understanding this 50/50 concept is freeing and it offers you a leg up with regards to emotional fitness.

So you are not always going to be happy and that is a-ok, totally normal.  Now, how do we get emotionally fit?

Well, identifying your inner critic, knowing your limiting beliefs-and if they are true or not, and all the techniques I teach for overcoming negative thought loops are practices for emotional fitness.  And once you’ve done that kind of work, you are on your way.

Instead of spending a day or a week spiraling and worrying, we learn to bounce back from that thought or interaction with someone in minutes vs days.  That’s emotional fitness.  You fall out of an exercise routine but you spend no time beating yourself up.  Instead you jump back into it first opportunity if you are emotionally fit enough to not to let your negative thinking defeat you.  

I’m saying it again, emotional fitness is where the journey really begins.  That’s exactly why I got certified as a mindset coach after going through the nutrition program. Without a solid mindset, your shift into something new is temporary at best.  With weight loss, that scale changes one thought at a time.  If your thinking never changes, nothing changes.

Before we deep dive into how, I’d like to offer you one last idea.  

If your happiness or joy depends on other people behaving the way you think they should, you’re gonna be unhappy most of the time.  

Maybe you think I just don’t understand.  The way your teenager behaves creates your mood - good or bad…or maybe you are experiencing an incredible life challenge like loss or grief, or divorce. Maybe your boss is a piece of work.  Or maybe you’re in so much dang pain you can’t even sit still…These are all incredible circumstances.  Stretchy, uncomfortable circumstances.  I challenge you to consider your thinking and your awareness around your thinking of any circumstance.  

• Ultimately if your happy or joy depends on what someone else does or says, emotional fitness will be elusive.  You have zero control over others.  Zero.  Unfortunately, others do not come with a manual!  

• You have 100% control over your reaction and your thoughts and mindset.  The ability to shift your thoughts when someone steals your zen is emotional fitness.  Bounceback.  

• If your thoughts about the person or their behavior are negative….you will experience negative emotions that hold you back.  
  

If you are open to trying something different, I’d like to offer this idea.  Once you are aware of your negative thoughts towards the circumstance, actively change it.  See how that new way of thinking  makes you feel.  And yes, another person’s behavior is a circumstance.  It’s not something we can change or control, but we can change and control our own response (or our own thinking).

Ultimately if you are not intentional about understanding your thinking and managing it, your emotional fitness takes a toll.

So what else can I do other than get aware of my thoughts, Heather?

#1 Decide you’ll enjoy your life no matter what.  Get curious about how if you are not enjoying it at least 50% of the time. 

#2 Seek things to appreciate and be grateful for.  Get that gratitude practice going where you think of 3-5 wonderful things to be grateful for before your feet hit the floor in the morning.  It is impossible to be angry and grateful at once.  Gratitude raised your energy level.

#3 Train your brain to be ok with discomfort.  Aka - train yourself.  This is so hard at first and you don’t think you can, but actually, you can.  Anything you repeat consistently gets easier.  And it’s not how long you do the thing.  It’s repetition that hones and ingrains a habit.  I’ll talk about interrupting your thinking and getting into motion in just a minute.  

Understand that 50-50 concept and do the thing that makes you uncomfortable when you are happy and when you are not.  Once you’ve repeated this task (exercise, eating a good meal, skipping drive through) over and over you will APPRECIATE you.  You’ll develop confidence in you.  Courage  

Repetition is a concept we all need to understand as well.  It’s not the amount of time you’ve been doing something, it is how many times you have done it.  

Once you’ve trained your brain to be ok with discomfort, guess what.  There’s no more negotiating with yourself.  Getting up early, cold plunging, stretching, taking the stairs, not hitting the drive through, choosing the healthy meal, not eating the bread…whatever it is…gets easier every time you do it because you’ve trained your brain as to how your life works.  Your brain stops questioning when you are super emotionally fit!

#4 Take as little or as much time as you can to get still.  Notice I don’t say you have to meditate at first, but if you can get to trying to be still and thoughtful regularly - way to go!!!  During this still time, offer yourself grateful thoughts, glimpses of dreams you have and take deep breaths that oxygenate your body.  

Worries are continually released.  Tasks and to-do’s are tabled.  It’s just you letting relaxation and life blood into your spirit for new connections and understanding.  Sounds so woo woo but you will find more focus during your day, and more emotional fitness in your life by releasing thoughts.  

#5 Interrupt your fear or inner critic using the 5 Second Rule.  This really fits in with #3 and training your brain to be ok with discomfort.  What I mean by 5 second rule, that hesitation you feel right before you do something scary, or the doubt that begins to set in after you’ve made that decision.  Interrupt the thinking by counting down from 5.  You literally interrupt your prefrontal cortex and offer yourself the option to do it anyway.  Jump in.  Take action.  There is an entire book on this by Mel Robbins and all the science to support the act.  You can also find her on YouTube for free chatting about how to interrupt your negative thoughts.  Interrupting your thoughts and taking action anyway is literally one way to train your brain to be ok with discomfort. 

Oh shift!  It’s happening!  If you’re doing any of these things and feeling differently already, this shout out is for you!  You’ve got this! Keep going!

Do you have the guts to keep going day in and day out - consistently -  no matter the feeling you’re having? 

This is the ultimate training for emotional fitness

It may feel unbelievable now, but once you do it once, you KNOW you can.  You know in your gut you’ve got what it takes.  It becomes a matter of knowing what you want vs how you feel from that point. In case I haven’t mentioned it in a while, we almost always default to how we feel - NOT WHAT WE WANT!  You gotta define and know what you want to go for it!  Doing it anyway trains your brain to support the life you want and your decisions.  Emotional fitness will carry you further faster, and the shift you make will be permanent. 

DOING the things we talked about today takes the idea of emotional intelligence and creates emotional fitness  - knowing AND living the practice in your everyday life. Once you begin to become emotionally fit and you can pivot, change your thinking and bounce back from how you’re feeling in minutes.