Do You Have The Guts - Episode 2
Mindset Strategies - Tuning in to the Inner Critic
If you learn to tune in to your critic, get to know it and even question it…you can get really good at bouncing back from its attacks.
That inner critic or critics is a chorus in my head that I call my ‘choir’. I’ve spent extensive time delving into what feel like little personalities to me at this point…because I’ve identified them to a degree that I know them when they invade or pop in.
After years of work, I still meet a new persona from time to time, or I uncover a thought I’ve been thinking for years unbeknownst to me. It has been in the background for so long without me knowing it…until I notice the feeling and begin to question the thought causing it.
I won’t lie and say you can get rid your inner critic because it’s tied into our ego and inner child…which are topics unto themselves! But you CAN improve your bounce back time.
That is really the work of self-mastery and transformation. Keeping yourself in a forward momentum and not spiraling into the defeat and negative thoughts that critic or critics can invoke is transformative.
So let’s dive in and learn more about how and why to observe and listen to this little choir we ALL hear and really tune in, AND how to invoke change in our mindset
I practiced the same thought ruts, and the same shameful self-talk and the same resistance to quieting my mind for decades, and it got me NOWHERE.
My goal in this episode is to help you find transformation faster than I did. I’ve got my work cut out for me because we are not taught, in fact I was never taught about how to tune into my inner critic and release negative thoughts. Letting go of thoughts that do not serve us is the crux of this episode.
Do you have the guts to give these ideas a listen, and even a try?
Last episode we discussed getting aware of your thoughts. Especially those judgy thoughts that play in the background of our minds constantly… when we are listening and even when we are not. 95% of the time our background soundtrack of life is playing in the form of subconscious and sometimes conscious thoughts.
According to research conducted by the National Science Foundation* around 80% of our thoughts are negative. And we have around 12,000 - 50,000 thoughts daily.
If you’re like me you are wondering where do these thoughts even come from?
These critical thoughts we think over and over were planted, maybe programmed or simply picked up as we grew up. Then we adopted the thought to help us fit in, or to help us out in a certain situation. Little did we know we’d have the thought hanging around forever OR how one seed planted would harvest into a future mindset of impending doom.
Here’s the thing…Because the thought served us at first, our brain grabbed on to it, and thought it would help us long term. So we continued to think the thought. As we focus on specific thoughts (or repeat them over and over to ourselves), our brains look for evidence of these thoughts in the world to affirm our belief. Once our brain finds the thought important, it’s working non stop to show us evidence that the thought is true. This is part of our reticular activating system.
Here are some examples of thoughts I picked up along the way of life and gathered major evidence behind to live them as truth for a number of years.
“I’m big boned and it runs in my family”-for many years I believed I was bigger thanothers because the idea that my bones were larger was planted into my head.
Now that was just my mom’s way of trying to make me feel better about my body shape. She didn’t intend for that seed to bloom into a belief that I couldn’t lose weight…and neither did I. The belief was a consequence of the thought. It was meant to help me because I didn’t feel like I fit in because I was bigger than my friends.
“You’re not that strong in math” this is a thought that was planted in my mind in 6th grade by a teacher! I actually chose to buy into this thought because I didn’t want to work harder in math. It didn’t come easliy to me and I had no desire to study. This thought determined my math destiny for years. In college I took a class in home economics that involved math and imagine my surprise when I discovered my latent math gene. I might not have been exceptional at calculus in high school, but later in life I figured out I am a whiz at certain kinds of math.
My point is that there are all kinds of stories we tell ourselves and limiting beliefs we are living out because they served us for a time (or maybe not) and ultimately we didn’t let them go.
No one teaches us how to let go of thoughts that do not serve us.
I firmly believe that this should be a part of schooling from day 1. No one should wait until they are 30 or 4o to let go of thoughts that are holding us back.
This is where some of these repetitive thoughts originated. Depending upon how they were delivered when we first picked them up, the critical thoughts we think might be mean, spiteful, judgy, or even pragmatic. So many thoughts we think today are from that advice we were given a lifetime ago that was meant to be helpful, to help us fit in, or to get us to behave in a certain way. Because it helped us once, our minds thought it would always be beneficial, so we kept the thought around, repeated it and programmed it into our lives.
The programming is an important part of this equation. Just like we picked the thought up to create this inner critic we live with today, we can let the thought go. We can identify that the thought isn’t true or helpful, and we have the power to intentionally reprogram our thinking today.
WHY do we believe that this voice we hear is our own voice?
Why do we yield to this critic in our heads? Why do we allow it to be in charge? Well, sometimes yielding is easier…it’s comfortable and it is the known. Comfort and safety are two things our brains love.
BUT If we stop, observe, question and think about what that critic is saying, we KNOW that the critic is not the ‘real person’ inside of us. If you don’t KNOW this to be true (and sometimes we don’t know), I invite you to consider the idea that the critic IS NOT THE REAL YOU.
I’ve worked with kids through a mindset course and as young as 9, and I’ve seen kiddos with what we call ‘the gremlin’ in class. We have an exercise to identify what that gremlin says and a way to overcome it. Click here for more info on the exercise.
My point is that critical and negative self-talk begins when we are young, and if we can identify and question the critic when we are younger or at the ripe old age of right now, we can empower our thoughts to create feelings that propel us forward. We can empower thoughts that keep us out of the spiral. Knowing that voice is not the real you is a game changer.
I encourage you to think about how your critic shows up on the regular. What are some of the behaviors you have that are a result of your critic? Sometimes it’s hard to hear the critic but take a look at your actions and ask what thought is driving them.
Maybe you apologize constantly. (Do you have an inner voice always second guessing you?
Maybe you feel like you must look perfect from head to toe when you leave the house. (Is your critic attacking you for not looking perfect)
Maybe you wouldn’t be caught dead in a pair of shorts…(Is your inner voice body shaming you?)
Maybe you never voice an opinion because you were always hushed. (Is that voice inside you encouraging you to retreat and stay quiet because no one cares what you have to say?)
These are all examples of ways we are living and feeling because of our thoughts. And our thoughts create the stories of our lives. Can you see why understanding the critic in our heads is important?
I’d like to offer you the idea that more and more each year you add up what you are not good at…limiting your creativity and your potential… thinking negative thoughts 80% of the time…If you are into or past your 20’s, that is a LOT of negative thinking invading your mindset!
Let’s talk about creating change in our thoughts
Flipping the script you’ve been living won’t happen overnight, but if you take the time to shine a light on what you are thinking and tune into your critical thoughts, you can make a practice of stopping the inner critic in his or her tracks.
This is called detached observation. That means exactly what it says. You hear your thoughts, and you are detached from them – detached from what they might trigger in you.
You are hearing the voice, the negative mantra, but you are not judging it.
You are not upset by the critic you are getting to know it.
You’re not judging yourself either-for thinking this mean or crazy thought.
All that judgment causes A LOT of negative emotion and that’s not what we want. You are noticing what we are saying over and over AND how that makes you feel. Because guess what feelings do? They create emotions! And emotions create actions which sum up your personality over time. Think about that - the actions you take over and over based on how you feel create your personality.
Your actions also create your outcomes. And all of your action is based on emotions which come from what you are thinking.
Once we have observed the critic(s) in our heads, we will identify several of voices/ mantras on repeat. Once you notice one, be sure to write it down. Get to know that voice when you hear it and what it’s saying.
This awareness - knowing thoughts that cycle through your brain throughout the day or
thoughts that cycle through your brain in certain situations - allows you to notice when the thought or that voice creeps into your mind AND it allows you to condition your brain in a new way.
That’s the work of transforming your life. It begins at the thought level.
Once you’ve dialed into your thoughts and you have the ability to notice them, you become aware of the fact that what you think is your choice and you can now bounce back from the attack of the inner critic.
We notice the thought and we can let it GO instead of harping on it, repeating it or spiraling into it.
You notice it, let it go, and your day is different. Once this happens over and over, your month is different…and a year becomes different.
You are no longer reacting to the environment of your mind… A thought doesn’t result from a challenging situation and RULE OVER you, and it does not defeat you. It may threaten, but once you become awar, you have the opportunity to bounce back. You begin creating a different experience in life.
Getting to know your inner critic also lets you know that the critic or mantra you hear isn’t the REAL you. It’s a thought that is not true. Maybe a thought you’ve possibly turned into a belief by thinking it so often. But every thought you think isn’t true, and you know that after observing your critical thoughts with detachment.
Remember! I offered you the idea last episode that you are not your body or your brain-you are the witness. YOU have the power to change your mind - to change your thoughts, your feelings and emotions…which will change your results in any ambition whether that is weight loss, changing your work life or your personal life.
We are not taught the power we have with regards to choosing our thoughts and creating how we feel. Detached observation is a big how to when it comes to conditioning your brain and changing your thoughts.
How? How am I going to change the way I think?
First of all, we must be willing to get uncomfortable and practice detached observation. That’s everything we just covered.
Second we’ve got to get curious. Remember, curiosity is key. That critic is judgy and mean. The quickest way to get out of judgement of yourself is to get into curiosity. This is one of the most valuable lessons I’ve ever learned and shared with others.
Get curious about EVERY critical though you have of yourself…
Why do I always think that when this situation comes up?
WHY AM I ALWAYS SAYING THAT TO MYSELF?
What is this really about?
Do I believe what just ran through my head?
Is that you again?
Question and question. The questioning will diffuse anger you have with yourself, and it will diffuse the judgements you are laying down on yourself.
You can continue the questioning until you can get to the origin of the story you are telling yourself! At first it’s all about noticing the thought and questioning it to get out of anger or judgment. As you continue to question you become an investigator.
Understanding where a thought comes from is also a game changer.
Once you realize, hey - I don’t believe this about myself! This is the result of something someone else said YEARS ago…but I don’t believe it.
Turning that corner about a negative thought loop is where transformation begins.
Knowing what you DON’T believe is also a game changer because when that thought creeps in you can recognize it, question it and as you question you spend less time focusing on the thought itself. You can eventually let it go.
As you notice a reoccurring mantra, you can simply say
‘Hey…I see you, I hear you, but I don’t believe you.’
Does your critic run really deep?
Are you someone who’s critic says: You could never DO THAT! - believing that you could never do that thing because everyone else around you has always thought it was impossible…or because it feels physically impossible for you? You’ve completely given up…
● I could never lift weights like she does and change my body. Why not?
● I could never stop drinking soda. Why not?
● I could never stop eating sugar. Why not?
What is in your life that is constantly reinforcing your notions that you cannot do something? What is reinforcing you cannot be who you’d like to be?
If your critic is centered around the idea that you cannot change your body or your lifestyle, I’d like to offer you the idea that this can be mental AND physical.
Getting to the guts of the matter, there is an entire eco system in our guts – a microbiome. You can consult the google or learn more on my website.
When our gut is out of balance, we might crave sugar incessantly, crave napping because we are so incredibly fatigued, experience insane brain fog, IBS, and generally feel sluggish and terrible.
I’ll talk more about this in future episodes, but please QUESTION why you THINK that you cannot change. Could it be physical as well as mental? When our gut system is out of whack it can change life with a serious impact. I know I felt compelled to eat and drink certain foods for years when my gut was unhealthy.
These are all powerful questions that will take you out of anger and judgement for inaction. And the questions lead to new thinking, new grooves in your brain and a path forward that you can follow.
Questions will help you open your mind to solutions.
It’s impossible to find solutions and answers when you are stuck in judgement.
So question your critic and train your brain to seek new evidence by questioning as often as you criticize yourself and your thoughts will change. Your feelings will change. Your actions will change. Your outcomes will change.
Once your brain is showing you different evidence (because you’ve trained it to do so) your belief and thoughts transform. Click here for a fun exercise in the show notes on how to train your brain (RAS) to find NEW evidence.
I also mentioned origin stories, those can be a little more time intensive when we are uncovering them.
If we continuously question a thought or a pattern we’re living out, we might just get down to the origin of where it came from and that can feel FREEING. Self-mastery and understanding your driving forces can take time, and you are worth the effort. I am not sure who needs to hear this, but know that you are worth the time and effort.
Questioning our thoughts and patters creates a shift in our personality because we leave anger and resentment of ourselves behind. We allow for new opportunities to arise. We transform.
Now we’ve discussed the critic at length. We’ve covered detached observation and how to do that.We’ve talked about getting curious and questioning the critic to let thoughts go and replace them with curiosity. Those are excellent tools.
There is one more practice you can begin that is one of the top 3 tools of self-mastery, and it will help you with observing your thoughts and releasing them. In fact, that is what it is all about. It’s the definition of getting to know yourself.
It’s meditation.
We are not going to dive in too deep today but opening yourself to the idea of implementing a meditation practice that works for you is one of the fastest ways you can change and release your thoughts. The app Insight Timer is free and offers incredibly tools for learning more about meditation.
This doesn’t have to start big and involved. You can begin with as little as one to five minutes a day. Every single time you sit down to practice, research shows it will make an impact whether you can consciously feel it or not.
Why bother with meditation?
Meditation creates space in between our thoughts. Guess what you will find in that space eventually?
Answers. Solutions. Grace. Renewal. Things you cannot feel or find when your mind is blazing and spatting negative thoughts at you.
When it comes to beginning your meditation practice, you might think I’m not doing it right or it is just too hard today. Don’t discount a session where all you did was think release think release think release think release…
Because FORE REAL - when have you ever released thoughts before?
That releasing is new and it’s helpful every single time you do it. You are creating new grooves, filling in old ruts, and you are really and truly creating synapses in your brain,
and you are teaching your body and your brain a new way to think.
Don’t worry…I have an episode coming up on meditation how to.
For now, know that there is no ‘right way’ and opening up to the idea and giving it a try is an excellent beginning.
If you do give meditation a try, it offers you intense observation time. It’s one of the BEST times to hear and tune in to those pesky repeating thoughts. You have the opportunity to hear the thought, to catch it, and to RELEASE it.
Listening to YOU also happens in meditation. When do you really spend time seeking YOUR voice and listening to it. You have all the answers, all of the instincts you need inside to transform your body, mind, and spirit…to create your true path forward, but you must listen to hear the directions.
We were created with this inner knowledge. We have to tune out the world, its negativity and influence to find our paths forward.
I challenge you to take action with your inner critic or critics to improve your mindset and create transformation! Do you have the guts to help tie your body, mind, and spirit into this mindset deep dive. It takes a little courage to get to know you and to try new and different things.
Click here to go to The Inner Critic Exercise.
Tiny Steps for your body, mind and spirit this week:
1) Tune into your thoughts and begin noticing what you hear. Put on an imaginary white lab coat as if you are a scientist and begin to study YOU. Simply notice how often you are thinking negatively or criticizing yourself.
2) Once you notice a thought on repeat, write it down. Release it from your mind and body onto the paper. And question it. Where did you come from? Why am I thinking this so often? Who said this to me? What is this really about? Do I believe this is true?
3) Every morning before your feet hit the floor, take 3 to 5 deep belly breaths and think a few grateful thoughts. Doing this often enough will lead to a connection with your spirit.
Want to learn more about gut health and my story? Click the button.
It’s time to start healing from the inside out. Do you have the guts to try?
Training Your Brain to find Evidence
In her book The High 5 Rule Mel Robbins give the best example of training your brain to find evidence. She tells us to look for hearts in our everyday lives. Literally heart shapes. Tell your brain every day as you head out the door, or when you wake up that you want to see hearts. Or repeat to yourself that it’s important that you see a heart today. Ask yourself where will I see a heart today? What happens is incredible. You will begin to notice pictures of hearts, heart shapes in nature, heart emojis…heart shapes will begin to pop into your daily life everywhere. This is an easy way to test the idea that we can reprogram our brains to find evidence of thoughts that we think often. It won’t take long. You’ll be seeing hearts before you know it. This book is also excellent for learning how to show up for you and to truly love yourself.
